This spring I attended the Empowering Women of Color
Conference at UC Berkeley. I’m amazed that graduate students, GRAD STUDENTS,
have organized and hosted this for 31 years. I barely had time to wash dishes
when I was in grad school let alone organize a conference. I spoke at this
conference a few years ago.
I attended a workshop titled “Reclaiming Love: Behind the
Brush and Pen of Frida Kahl, One Mujuer of Many Who Has Nothing to Lose But Her
Chains “ San Francisco State University grad students Jewell Bachelor and
Marbeya Montero presented this great workshop. I love Frida Kahlo and wanted to
reflect on what I learned in a series of posts.
For an icebreaker they asked us to list three words to
describe women of color and sex. I t was hard to choose just three.
1. Complex—Sexuality is complex for many women in general,
because of sexism, misogyny, patriarchy and homophobia. For women of color, we
add racism to that oppressive cocktail.. As a Black woman I know there’s a
racist history to our sexuality in the United States. And because we don’t know
how people will perceive us because of all of these things, we may not express
our sexuality how we want.
I always say women are damned if we do, damned if we don’t.
Our presentation to the world may be too conservative for some, too sexy for
others or just right to a few.
But complexity isn’t all negative. Culture plays a part in
our sexuality. Sometimes that’s not always a bad thing. I’m a Cali girl with
Southern, Black Protestant roots. Just even liking boys was strongly
discouraged. On the other hand, Black musicians and artists have made some of
the best, sexy, sensual music ever.
I also love how in Black culture most of us find curves
sexy. The Black woman’ s behind is special. Black women have been twirking and
shaking our asses for centuries, going back to Africa. These movements are more
sexualized in the West, but a Black woman shaking her ass to entice her lover
or just be sexy is beautiful. Even Beyonce
knows what’s up. She starts off her song “Rocket,” “Let me sit this ass
on you, show you how I feel.” She initiates a sexual connection to her lover
with her boo-tay.
When I see women from the Caribbean wind, I think it’s
gorgeous. But the complexity is that we’re shamed for it. Or women of other
races who try to imitate it get more approval. Race makes sexuality more
complex.
2. Pleasure
I hope women of color are experiencing pleasure. We sing
about it. We rap about it. We write about it.
We paint and draw it. I hope women of color of all sexualities are
experiencing pleasure.
Many of us have experienced pain and abuse when it comes to
sex. But I’ve also met women of color who are learning about their bodies, and
what turns them on. It reminds me of the book The Color Purple when Celie, a
poor and abused woman, first experiences sexual pleasure with Shug Avery.
I’m meting women more willing to tell their partners what
feels good, what they want. I’m reading more articles about Black women
experiencing pleasure”out of the box” whether it’s being open to loving someone
from another race/culture to embracing their kink.
3. Agency
It’s extremely important for women of color to be able to
express and define their sexuality according to how they see themselves through
their own eyes.
Okay so that was the first part of this series. Part II is coming
up!
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